My Musical Journey.

Just this last March 2013, I finally finished my first "professionally produced" album, entitled, "Nectarian." Nectarian is a collection of 13 songs that spanned about 5 years of my life. I want to tell you the story of my musical journey.......
It started when I was a little girl.  I just LOVED music, I loved to sing. My mom claims I was singing before I really talked "Lalalaa..." I would make up songs all the time, while playing with my older brother, we would pretend we were in a band. He would bang on these little metal pots and I had this strange little instrument toy, "The magical Musical Thing"  (Oh my god, I can't believe I was just able to google this and find a picture of it!!! LOL).  

Anyways, we would play and play and I would make up songs, and I had this little tape deck recorder and I would record us and then listen to us later. I still have some of these old tapes. My mom's mom, Grandma Susan,

would sing to me all the time. I recently just listened to a tape "Mary spends the night with Grandma" and she would sing songs and coax me to sing them after her all by myself. My grandma was also the first to introduce me to playing a musical instrument (besides the magical musical thing). She had an electric keyboard and she played a couple songs that she knew for me and I just copied her. She was impressed and quite quickly I perfected the songs and proudly showed my parents.

They easily decided that I should start taking piano lessons and so I began to take lessons at 7 at some music school in Santa Cruz. I was taught under the Suzuki Method, which trains you to learn by ear and by copying what you see and hear. Reading music is then taught later. I never really got good at reading music, although I would try to figure out songs from music books on my own, and it took quite a while. I was better off just listening to a song and figuring it out on my own, which is what I still do to this day.  I took piano lessons til about 11 or so, mostly learning Classical music: Mozart, Beethoven, Bach, Brahms, and the like. My teacher was Lizz Fischer, http://www.tecproductions.com/tec/instrumental/tec_lizz_fischer.html who actually specialized more in Jazz and Blues. She was a keyboardist for blues legend John Lee Hooker for many years.
I also sang in a youth choir in Santa Cruz, called Peace Child. We would sing beautiful songs about peace and ending war, in many different languages. We would perform at schools or peace rallies. I'll never forget the time walking in the peace march with hundreds of people (protesting against the Gulf war) from the University down to San Lorenzo Park, over the highway and through the streets, singing and chanting for Peace! Our choir ever wrote our own play entitled "Earth Child" (which I now have a song called Earth's Child) which was an environmental awareness play we performed. Never having gone to church, ever, as a child, this choir was as close as I had gotten I think. My mom thought of our once a week practice as her church anyway.
My parents decided to uproot and move to Hawaii in 1993. I was 12 at the time I moved to the Big Island. It was a pretty rough transition at that age. It was also a bit of a culture shock, moving from  Aptos, California, being in the 7th grade in a junior high, to going into Pahoa High and Intermediate school. My brother was 16 at that time, a junior and so we were all of the sudden in the same school! What got me through in those difficult years of transition? Music. At 13, I found Tori Amos. www.toriamos.com Even though the first song I ever heard of hers was "Silent all these Years" from the album Little Earthquakes, it was the following album, Under the Pink, that was the first album I got of hers. (It was a cassette tape). Then after that I was hooked and have gotten EVERY album since. I even bought her song books and attempted to teach myself how to play her songs.  I would buy any magazine that had an article about her.

 She has made the deepest impact on me musically, even though I don't feel like my songs sound anything like hers. Singing along to her songs has definitely helped me with my harmonization skill, due to the many layers of voices she records in her songs. My connection to her music is a personal thing, as most Tori Amos fans would agree, in fact I can't even listen to her music around other people unless they are super into her too! The main reason I respect her as a musician is that she stays TRUE to herself. Her music is Hers. She Listens and receives her songs. She refers to her songs as  "girls."
It was actually an interview I watched of hers that I first learned of ayahuasca.  I even had the fortunate opportunity to see her perform live (Sinful Attraction Tour), in San Jose at a fairly small theater, with my cousins and my uncle. (I was bawling when she came out on stage- she opened with "Crucify.")Here's a video of the actual show, one of my favorite songs! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fpRAev2L55g
After a year of being in Hawaii, we were more settled in, had a nice home, and my Grandma Susan moved out to live with us too. Some lady my mom worked with let us caretake her piano! I would sit and just make up melodies on the piano.

We were fortunate to have that piano for quite a few years til the fateful day she wanted it back.  By then I had started to teach myself guitar, just by looking at chord charts. I was a moody teen around 13-14 and would spend many hours in the privacy of my room listening to music, writing poetry or reading thought provoking books on world mythologies, Religion, Sex, Botanical studies, Natural Healing, exploring consciousness.

 By fourteen I found a group of friends that have remained to this day dear to my heart. I also got a boyfriend that I would spend the next 9 years of my life in a relationship with. He was into electric guitar. I, of course, loved that! He introduced me to Led Zeppelin and many other classic rock bands from the 60's and 70's. My parent's of course introduced me to much music that I still enjoy to this day: Neil Young, CSNY, John Lennon, and so many more. Also, I need to emphasize the part Reggae music has played in my life.  I don't know if it would have been the same had I not moved to Hawaii, where Reggae music always seems to waft through the air, along with the pakalolo smoke.  The early days after just moving to Puna, I recall fondly being a passenger in my brother's car, driving the jungle road from Hawaiian Beaches to Pohoiki, making stops along the way at his surfer buddies' houses, to pack the car, get stoned and then head to surf, with Peter Tosh's "Legalize it" blasting in his tape deck player.

Love that album. Also love Bob Marley's "Confrontation" and "Survival." Yeah, I loved the reggae a lot more than when he'd blast Black Flag or D.R.I....
I started writing little songs of my own at around 18 or so? I don't know....they started out as love songs and such although I remember none of them now. It wasn't until the age of about 23 that I began to really put more energy towards my own music. By then I was well on my way of learning some lessons  regarding relationships, after I exited my first long term one. Yet I know what I wanted to do: I wanted to play music. I had already been going to Ecstatic dance by then, and that became like my church every Sunday~ To just cut loose on the dance floor!

Thats when the songs started coming!  After I graduated from the University I got a laptop computer as a gift from my family. Might I add I began playing ukulele during my last semester of University. I also received a beautifully made ukulele from a family friend as a graduation present! (This is the same ukulele that I am holding on the cover of my album).

I taught myself how to use Garage Band and that is how I recorded my first collection of songs, that I called "Rejoice!" I skipped a vital element though~ After graduating from college and working at a Waldorf School for a couple years it was time for me to LEAVE PUNA for a bit. One night while out with friends at a local bar venue, in the midst of a personal drama, I heard a guitar solo through the drunken crowd that seared through all the bullshit that was going on.. I walked straight to the player and just listened. Then when he was finished I think I thanked him. I ended up meeting him again at another event a few days later. We had mutual friends, he was visiting the island with his band, from Boston. I ended up spending the rest of his trip with him. Then I ended up 6 months later, moving to live with him in Boston, where I lived there for a year.

While living in Boston, I also got to go to Vermont, New York, Maine, and New Hampshire on musical adventures! It was a good time to independence and growth for me. And a lot of hard work too.
Super memorable time of my life, rich with music and adventures: getting to go to many awesome concerts, hanging out backstage with various musical artists such as Bernie Worrell, Israel Vibration, SOJA (before they were "famous"), and so many more amazing talented people (the most talented being the person I was with!)..http://vangordonmartin.com/videos

.I got to record in one of the most top of the line recording studios in NYC, only because a friend worked there and we could get free studio time on the off hours (meaning between midnight and dawn). I learned a lot in that year and got indoctrinated with Funk music, with good Jazz and Blues (Thank you Chicago!), and of course even more Reggae! After a year of Boston however, I needed to get back to the islands! Thoughts of warm clear ocean waters were taunting me!  I returned and songs began to come and Garage Band sure came in handy!
A girlfriend of mine that I met in Boston ended up moving out to Hawaii shortly after I returned, and one night we were out on the town, at an open mic night, and there was this singer/guitar player out of the ordinary singer on stage, singing these sweet fold tunes, stories with soul. I was touched. We talked after his little set and exchanged contacts and met up the next week at a cafe for coffee to talk music. We each ended up exchanging what recordings we had (both from garage band!). He was relatively new to the island, living on a farm on Hamakua. I just loved his sound and quickly offered singing harmony vocals. Not long after that a couple other people that I knew ended up meeting him too and we formed a little group that he called "Medicine for the People," because the Music is the Medicine.

This sweet young talented brown boy ended up returning back to his homeland of Portland after he made a good impression on the island with his sweet music. He has now spread his medicine far and wide and has been on a non stop tour for the last 2 years.
The few years following were quite difficult for me and very transformational as well.  These hard lessons of learning who I am and learning how to be true to myself, despite how painful the process was, were blessings in disguise. I transmuted the pain through my music. In retrospect now, I am grateful for it all.  Everything is Relevant.  Hey, some beautiful songs came to be from it all!  I also spent 6 months in Portland, despite the tumultuous nature of that journey, it was quite memorable with many lasting connections with beautiful people that I made.

 I was able to return to Portland the following year in a better space and sing with Medicine for the People, which was awesome. Oregon was responsible for awakening my love for Bluegrass music. A very memorable time I had there was getting to go to "String Summit," which is a marvelous Bluegrass festival in Oregon, on this beautiful land called "Horning's Hideout" It is also a peacock farm so there are beautiful peacocks roaming freely around the area. Me and my boyfriend at the time got into the festival for free by doing work exchange. We got assigned to help the caterer who was making the food for all the musicians! I ended up being a dish washer and it was hard work but totally worth it because we ended up with backstage passes and getting to meet and hang out with all the awesome bands that played there, such as Yonder Mountain String Band, The Rhythm Devils and so many more~ The highlight was getting to meet Mickey Hart (legendary percussionist of the Grateful Dead) and get to tell him how much I loved his "Planet Drum" album, that I used to listen to every night before going to bed when I was like 11.

Another memorable experience was getting to go to a Cyndi Lauper concert in Portland. It was actually at the Portland Zoo, which is an awesome venue in the summer. I actually was standing right next to Cyndi before she went on to perform, she was standing, checking out the lions. (no joke! I was right next to her and I even talked to her yet she didn't respond.) I was too starstruck to ask for an autograph. You see, I LOVED her as a little girl! My first cassette tape I think was her album "She's so Unusual." It was so awesome getting to see her still rocking it with an awesome band. She played many old favorites and some new stuff too! This is a picture of me on my way to the show, walking through Washington park to get there! (super excited)

Its time to get to the present. Here I am typing this at 10:50 pm two days before I embark on a journey to the mainland with my dear friends to tour the West coast to share our music. How did I get to this place? I believe in the power of Intention. I believe that through the process of envisioning we can "wake our dreams into reality." This is a little line from my friend Nahko's song, which I wrote this line on a piece of paper and I had it taped to my art studio wall, so as I would paint/craft I would frequently glance at it. Yes indeed...I am grateful for the many beautiful reflections I have in my life, dear friends that shine so bright and provide me with inspiration, faith and motivation to activate my potential and 

wake my dreams into reality. 

A little over a year ago, I met someone that has played a major role in my shifting of gears of activation. I was playing music for a dear sister of mine, Po A Tree, for her CD release and after the show I met this man who had been listening and also who had played a little Sarode. He was new to Puna.  I ended up seeing him a couple other times after that- a cacao ceremony, then at a friend's party. Then we met out at the kava bar to listen to the beautiful music of Youssoupha Sidibe, who plays the African kora. He offered to record me a beautiful professionally produced album. I had given him a CD of music that I had recorded myself (my first self recorded CD, "Rejoice") so surely he thought I could use some better recordings. He also had taken a look at my vedic astrological chart (He studies Jyotish, The Science of Light, Vedic Astrology) and saw that I was to be successful in the arts/music. I took him up on his offer.  We began to record in the summer of 2012. 

This man, Peter (Vishaka) is now my partner, my best friend, my pretty much everything. He's everything I asked the Source for in a partner. My higher self continues to give me confirmations of our Divine Connection. With his selfless service and devotion we produced "Nectarian," an album with 13 songs, 72 minutes long, in the Spring of 2013, about one year after we met.  

Now, since I have let go of my job working with middle schoolers, I have been doing what comes naturally: Booking a tour to share my music! Not only for me, but for my two dear sisters which have just created their first albums, Thanks to Vishaka, and also V's best friend in Ojai, California. Naturally, The Nectarian Collective has formed, so that we can all travel and share our music up the west coast this summer. 

And when we return, we begin on the next album and Nectarian Music will continue to grow. This is a new genre of music that Vishaka and I will be continuing to produce, for ourselves and others. Nectarian music is a high vibration sacred soundscape- that  acts like pure nectar to the heart, soul and spirit.  So much continues to clarify for me on my journey as I go with the music...as I listen to my heart's song. I feel my life's purpose in action.  

Grasping the Ineffable

We humans try so hard to express in words, the feelings that are invoked within us in the presence of Beauty, In the presence of Peace, In the Presence of Truth and of Love. Language is an amazing medium~in the way that it provides some sort of channel for us to transmit truth and inspiration-Whether it be through the auditory (hearing or saying the words aloud) or visual comprehensions (reading the written words).  I find it fascinating how language has evolved over time and how many of our words that we now use have survived through ages to hold entirely different definitions from their original meanings. Yet we speak in these fluid streams of words, which are collectively used and understood, to describe our reality, to express our thoughts, to speak our Truth. And we do this (usually) without any thought of the rich cultural assemblage that passes through our lips.  Where language sprang from is still a mystery, perhaps one of the greatest yet to be explained mysteries of our social evolution.  The origin of language isn't something we can find in the fossil record, for it is merely air passing through our lips- all of our most precious or profane of utterings- they blow and vibrate out into the surrounding atmosphere, into the ears of others or perhaps never heard by any one except for the one who spoke them.

To exercise the blessed Power to Choose our Words carefully, with clear intention, to speak your truth is the most direct and simple way to empower yourself and direct your energy in a constructive way. William Carlos Williams wrote : "It is dangerous to leave written that which is badly written. A chance word, upon paper, may destroy the world. Watch carefully and erase, while the power is still yours, I say to myself, for all that is put down, once it escapes, may rot its way into a thousand minds, the corn become a black smut, and all libraries, of necessity, be burned to the ground as a consequence." 

We all have had our moments when we let words slip out, without thinking, projecting our impatience, our anger, or our ignorance outside of us, perhaps on to someone else.   We can see what damage that can do- Projecting our pain onto others like poison arrows.  When a person is on the receiving side of verbal abuse, especially as a young child, damage is caused on many levels.  Some people end up closing off to feeling because of the pain. Or some people may dwell in pain almost constantly, living a life of misery and then project their misery on to others. I've seen the suffering that persists in people who were raised with a childhood of verbal abuse and I am happy to say I have also witnessed people heal themselves from this damage too. I have observed how people disempower themselves by not choosing to direct their words more carefully. A lot of times those that disempower themselves are so full of poison that they are unable to ALLOW themselves to open to healing sounds because it is so not in their resonance, so much so that it might even make them sick. People judge what they fear or do not understand. To break the chain of violence takes courage and affirming your worth and upholding your responsibility and sovereign right to love and to receive love.  If you can love yourself in the face of opposing forces and all the lies that you might have been told and forgive the shooters of these poison arrows with the understanding that we are all in a battle here on Earth and These arrows are flying around all the time. We need to open our eyes and be clear and agile enough to dodge these arrows, let them fall to the earth and be composted. If you feel shot with a poison of another, and you can allow yourself to feel it, understand it, heal it, then transform it, you are doing great service to the world. You are breaking the chain of violence. 

What would happen if we were all mindful enough to choose our words so carefully so as to come from a place of truth, a place of understanding and compassion that we all have feelings and emotions that can be challenging, and that we all have the power to choose to speak phrases of praises? May the words we choose to share, be our prayers. 

Attuned to the subtleties of vibration of sound in altered states of consciousness can allow one to FEEL THE WORD. The Power of Sound can put us into these altered states. First of all EVERYTHING is Vibrating at its most fundamental level. If everything is Vibrating that means everything has its own sound, its own resonance. Whether we can hear it or not, We can still FEEL it.  Sound travels in waves. Sound moves energy. Sound transmits Truth. Sound surrounds and reverberates within the soul. Sound heals. Sound destroys. Do you feel the Word? If not then why don't you try to Om 'til you are home. 

May your words come from the heart, from a place of Love. You may find that in the Presence of Divine Love, there may be no words to speak, only a Sacred Silence. Listen. In the beginning was the Word....and all existence came to be....that is the power of the Word. 

I have had experiences in the absence of words, which felt beyond words, beyond my senses. Before I formed any sound vibration with my breath, through my vocal chords, I was pure Presence, Pure Consciousness. The first word to vibrate from my being was "Om" and I could FEEL the potency of this vibratory sound.

In my attempt to grasp the ineffable I am left with one word. Om. In Om I am Home. There is nothing left to define. There are no boundaries or separation. With Grace, in a place of Pure Presence and Perfect Union, Everything is All Praise. SELAH.